Fly-by post...

I've been MIA for a couple months. But this is just a "fly-by" post to say that I've had ups and downs, but I'm still here, and I'm currently writing this while sitting in my weekly Weight Watchers meeting... in jeans that are one size smaller!! :)

Positive thoughts...

Well, it's been just over a month now that I've been on WW, and I must say, I'm making nice progress. I'm definitely learning to make better choices, and when I do "splurge" on a treat, I make sure it's absolutely worth it. I have cut down on mindless munching and drink guzzling, and pretty much weigh and measure everything that I consume. I can't say that it hasn't been a mental struggle at times, because it has. There have been times when I've wanted to stuff my face full of crap, and times that I've been a perfect angel.

All in all, however, it has paid off, and I have seen positive movement in the scale. It's quite encouraging, and definitely makes me want to continue. So far, as a WW member, I've lost about 14 pounds.

I'm beginning to get excited at the prospect of actually being successful at losing weight this time. I know it won't always be sunshine and roses, but right now, in this moment, I am positive and hopeful. :)

The first week

So, in my previous post, I mentioned that I have made some positive changes. Well, the BIGGEST change is... I've joined Weight Watchers. It's been a week, and I've already seen some changes on the scale at home. I go to my second meeting tonight, and I'm rather looking forward to it.

I must admit, however, that this past week has made me nervous. The reason?? Because I have found that the Program (so far) is easier than I expected it to be. I am able to stay within my Points range and eat plenty of things that I enjoy. I'm nervous that I'm in "the honeymoon phase" and that in a week or two, this feeling of ease and joy will wear off and I will turn into a food crazed maniac, binging on junk food and falling asleep in great piles of candy wrappers.

In talking with a friend yesterday (MUCH needed talk, and very therapeutic), I know that the journey to healthy is not easy, and even when you've reached your goal (as my friend has), you still must battle the "fat person" mentality. He is such an inspiration to me, and I tell him as much each time I see him (and his progress is what actually inspired me to join WW). He's (literally) half the person he used to be, yet he still feels like the "fat person" he was in many ways.

So, the fact that my journey thus far (yes, yes... I know it's only been a week... but to someone like me, that's monumental) has been easy, in addition to the fact that I know my friend still struggles with some issues, makes me incredibly nervous. Am I not having a realistic view of this?? I shouldn't feel this positive, right?? Surely, something must be wrong with me....

In any event, here I am, headed for my second WW meeting tonight, and actually feeling optimistic about losing weight for good this time. I pray that my optimism and faith continue to grow.

To Kevin (my friend): Thank you so much for inspiring me. Your journey helps me know that it IS possible.

Back again...

Well, I'm back again after yet another long break. It's been about 6 months since my last post, and almost that same amount of time since I've been to the gym. Though, I must say, it hasn't all just been an issue of laziness or unwillingness to go. A few months ago I picked up a second job to help take care of some bills and to be able to save a little something, which is great. The downside, however, is that I have very little free time these days, and the free time that I do have I spend either running errands that I don't have time to do because of my part-time job, or doing absolutely nothing because I'm so tired from working two jobs. But that's all gonna change. I'm going to do everything I can to carve out some time for working out. I've already begun making other positive changes, and while I haven't seen a great weight loss in the last 6 months, I haven't seen a great weight gain, either. So, I'm RE-recommitting to my weight loss journey, with renewed vigor.

Check out my next post for more on what's going on in my life! :)

Broccoli

Well, I know it's been a while since I've posted anything, but life has been a little crazy over the past couple weeks. We moved on the weekend of Jan. 23, and that was extremely stressful and taxing. Trying to get everything packed and moved and cleaned in just 3 days was a bit much, and who knew I had all the crap anyway?? It's easy to put things in a corner and forget about them, but boy when it comes time to pack and move them... *shaking head*.

Anywho, in addition to the stress of moving, I've had to deal with major, MAJOR stress at work. I won't go into detail here, but let's just say that the saying "Be careful what you wish for..." never HAD so much meaning for me until last week! But, in the midst of all this I've managed to get back on track and keep this train moving in the right direction. I must say that during the weekend (and the few days prior) of moving and last week with work stress, I didn't pay nearly as much attention to what I ate. I also didn't make it to the gym as much as I should have, though the bad weather played a hand in that, as well.

But, I've still seen some (slow) progress, so I won't complain too much. Some of that progress has come in the form of food choices. Now, people who know me know that I have NEVER liked broccoli. Ever. I would occasionally pick at it if it came with a stir fry or something and was covered in some sort of sauce. But that's about it. Well, last night, I actually made broccoli for dinner.... and ATE it! For me, that is a HUGE deal. I won't say I enjoyed the experience, but it wasn't too bad. I hope to get to the point where I can incorporate it regularly into my meals, and use it to replace other starchy vegetables that I'm known to eat (corn and peas, mostly).

So, my victory is not a huge weight loss, or mastering a difficult workout... but it's just as important to ME as either of those things, and just as worth celebrating. :)

Finding the Groove Again

Things were going along swimmingly. I was motivated. I was working out regularly. I was really getting into a routine of gym-going. Then it hit me. I woke up a week ago with the beginnings of a sore throat and slightly congested sinuses. As the day wore on it got more and more pronounced until finally I had it. "It" being a full-blown COLD. Completely threw a monkey wrench into my routine and threw off my "groove" *insert obscure reference to Disney's The Emporer's New Groove here*. Needless to say I was prevented from working out at the gym as I intended. Yesterday was my first day back in the gym in a week, and I must admit, it's been a little tough getting back into the routine. But, I'm determined to find my groove again and continue on my journey.

In other news, I had a routine appointment with my rheumatologist on Monday, and my weight was about 8lbs LESS than the last time I was there a couple months ago. It was a great feeling to see that and to have him respond so positively. I'm definitely encouraged to keep moving forward.

Random Musings...

So, I think I have sort of fallen into a bit of a routine, and I'm getting the hang of what it means to go to the gym after work. I even miss it (well... a little) on the days that I'm not able to go. I'm still fighting with myself to get rid of the "instant gratification" mentality. See, I think that you should lose like 5 or 10 pounds EACH TIME you go to the gym. But, again, I'm working on that flawed logic, and learning to take it one day at a time.

I've have had relatively good success in making wise food choices, which is honestly a bit scary for me. Food is a weakness for me, especially carbs like bread and potatoes. But, I have been able to make better choices, and not go overboard on carbs and have potatoes at every meal, and 5 rolls with butter. THAT, my friends, is progress. :)

I had a treat day on Saturday (I refuse to say CHEAT day... that makes it sound illegal, punishable by law with a maximum fine of 3 cups of collard greens every day for a week), and again, I can see progress. I allowed myself a meal that I really enjoy, without thinking about how many calories were in it, but I didn't go overboard and stuff my face for the whole day. I was able to limit myself to ONE Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut, which is MONUMENTAL for me. In the past, I would go to Krispy Kreme and order 4 doughnuts (2 glazed and 2 chocolate glazed) and eat at least 3 of them in the car before I even left the parking lot of the store. I can't lie and say that I didn't feel the urge to turn the car around and go back through the drive through and buy more, but I DIDN'T do that, and that's what counts. :)

And now to the best part... so far, I've lost 9 pounds! In two and a half weeks!! I'd say that's pretty darn good! I'm certainly inspired to keep at it. I know I have a loooong way to go, but I would say the journey is off to a good start!

Inspiration...

I know that the television show The Biggest Loser can be pretty polarizing. People generally either love it or hate it. They love to see people tranform their lives and bodies and find it incredibly inspiring, or they hate to see people exploited and undertake what seems to be a drastic and possibly unsafe diet and exercise regimen. However, I'm somewhere in the middle, I DO find the show to be somewhat inspiring at times, but I also worry about the safety of some of the diet and exercise activities.

So, while watching the 9th season premiere a couple nights ago, imagine my surprise when I found myself unexpectedly reduced to tears by a show that I typically don't get so emotionally involved in. Ok... well, maybe reduced to tears is a bit of an exaggeration. But, I did get teary and emotional and it most certainly did take me by surprise.

The scene that did it for me was when during one of the interview portions of the program. One of the contestants on the "white team" (I don't remember his name but I DO remember that he weighed 526 pounds) was talking about his weight and about losing weight, and while fighting back tears of his own said, "I just have SO far to go... even if I lose 200 pounds I would STILL be overweight..."

The obvious pain in his voice as he said that really struck a chord with me. I KNOW what it means to feel completely hopeless and think that there is no way I can accomplish the seemingly monstrous task of losing all the weight I need to lose. I know what it feels like to think that there can't possibly be an "end" in sight, that true significant weight loss will never be acheived due to the sheer amount of weight that needs to be shed.

But, I have determined that NO amount of weight is going to stop me from trying. I need to KNOW that I am doing everything I can to get healthy. Somedays, that will mean eating fruit when I really want cake. Other days that will mean going straight to the gym on the way home from work, even though I really just want to go home and crawl in the bed. My new motto needs to be: Whatever It Takes. Whatever it takes to ensure that I make my very best effort. Whatever it takes to be the person I know I am on the inside (that sounds cliche, but it's true).

I've gone back and forth about posting my "starting weight" here, but I've decided that I will NOT post my starting weight until I reach my "maintenance" phase. However, I will post the amount of weight lost, along with progress pictures. So far, I've lost about 3 pounds (according to the scale at the gym). I'll post a "starting" pic soon.

One Year Later...

So... it's been a year since my last entry in this blog. I initially had such high hopes. That this was going to be a very useful tool in helping me get healthy in 2009. However, I'm sad to say that over the past year, not only did I neglect to add entries to this blog, but I also lost my "steam" and motivation in getting healthy, and sadly remained overweight and uninspired to change (though, interestingly enough, I still remained unhappy with my weight... it just became easier to "ignore" it).

However, I am recommitting to getting healthy and to losing weight. And I will share the journey here in my blog for all to read (though I doubt I will end up with any readers... well, maybe two... KJ and EH). I have recently joined a gym, and have actually been attending AND (surprise, surprise) looking forward to actually going. THAT, my friends, is a FEAT in and of itself...

I know that this will be an interesting journey. One that will have plenty of ups and downs, highs and lows, but I promise to stick with it, no matter where it takes me (hopefully it will take me out of Lane Bryant and into Express), and I look forward to sharing it with you.