Inspiration...

I know that the television show The Biggest Loser can be pretty polarizing. People generally either love it or hate it. They love to see people tranform their lives and bodies and find it incredibly inspiring, or they hate to see people exploited and undertake what seems to be a drastic and possibly unsafe diet and exercise regimen. However, I'm somewhere in the middle, I DO find the show to be somewhat inspiring at times, but I also worry about the safety of some of the diet and exercise activities.

So, while watching the 9th season premiere a couple nights ago, imagine my surprise when I found myself unexpectedly reduced to tears by a show that I typically don't get so emotionally involved in. Ok... well, maybe reduced to tears is a bit of an exaggeration. But, I did get teary and emotional and it most certainly did take me by surprise.

The scene that did it for me was when during one of the interview portions of the program. One of the contestants on the "white team" (I don't remember his name but I DO remember that he weighed 526 pounds) was talking about his weight and about losing weight, and while fighting back tears of his own said, "I just have SO far to go... even if I lose 200 pounds I would STILL be overweight..."

The obvious pain in his voice as he said that really struck a chord with me. I KNOW what it means to feel completely hopeless and think that there is no way I can accomplish the seemingly monstrous task of losing all the weight I need to lose. I know what it feels like to think that there can't possibly be an "end" in sight, that true significant weight loss will never be acheived due to the sheer amount of weight that needs to be shed.

But, I have determined that NO amount of weight is going to stop me from trying. I need to KNOW that I am doing everything I can to get healthy. Somedays, that will mean eating fruit when I really want cake. Other days that will mean going straight to the gym on the way home from work, even though I really just want to go home and crawl in the bed. My new motto needs to be: Whatever It Takes. Whatever it takes to ensure that I make my very best effort. Whatever it takes to be the person I know I am on the inside (that sounds cliche, but it's true).

I've gone back and forth about posting my "starting weight" here, but I've decided that I will NOT post my starting weight until I reach my "maintenance" phase. However, I will post the amount of weight lost, along with progress pictures. So far, I've lost about 3 pounds (according to the scale at the gym). I'll post a "starting" pic soon.

One Year Later...

So... it's been a year since my last entry in this blog. I initially had such high hopes. That this was going to be a very useful tool in helping me get healthy in 2009. However, I'm sad to say that over the past year, not only did I neglect to add entries to this blog, but I also lost my "steam" and motivation in getting healthy, and sadly remained overweight and uninspired to change (though, interestingly enough, I still remained unhappy with my weight... it just became easier to "ignore" it).

However, I am recommitting to getting healthy and to losing weight. And I will share the journey here in my blog for all to read (though I doubt I will end up with any readers... well, maybe two... KJ and EH). I have recently joined a gym, and have actually been attending AND (surprise, surprise) looking forward to actually going. THAT, my friends, is a FEAT in and of itself...

I know that this will be an interesting journey. One that will have plenty of ups and downs, highs and lows, but I promise to stick with it, no matter where it takes me (hopefully it will take me out of Lane Bryant and into Express), and I look forward to sharing it with you.

Score!!

So, as you know, I've talked about how I've wanted a Wii Fit, but being that they are incredibly hard to find, I hadn't been able to find one.... until NOW!!! Yay!! On Sunday, I arrived at Best Buy very early and was the first car in the parking lot. They had advertised in the Sunday circular (which I picked up on Saturday) that they would have them. By the time they opened, there were about 15 people behind me... and I was FIRST! Store employees came out around 10:45am (they opened at 11am) and handed out tickets for the Fit. Several people in the back of the line (much to their chagrin) did NOT get a ticket, and therefore were not going to be blessed with a Fit that day (at least not from THAT store).

Anyway, I finally got a Wii Fit!!!!! But I'm a bit ashamed to say that I have yet to even take it out of the box.... *slinking away guiltily*

Ok... ok... before you start in on me, I should explain a few things about myself... First, I have Lupus. Now, for any House fans out there, you should know that Lupus is a REAL disease, and a very serious one, at that. The short definition is that Lupus causes the body to attack itself (joints, organs, blood vessels, etc). It can manifest in many ways, and no case of Lupus is exactly the same from patient to patient. For me, the biggest problems Lupus causes are joint pain, fatigue, "brain fog", and photosensitivity. (For more information on Lupus, visit: http://www.lupus.org.)

Anyway, I have been having a major bout of fatigue and joint pain over the past few days, and I just haven't had the energy to try it out. I hope to be feeling better soon so I can try it out and give a full report.

Whew!

Soooo, I had dinner with my extended family for Christmas. It was a real eye opener for me. For one, it really hit me for the first time how much my family struggles with weight. My dad and stepmom have been overweight for as long as I can remember. And now, my little brother (6) and sister (9) are very overweight as well, and they are so young. My older sister and my cousin also both have weight issues. It seems that these issues that plague my family have become... expected or normal. My family loves to "crack" on each other, joking about who's bigger than who, etc, etc, but, no one seems to be doing anything about it. It was a very disturbing day for me. It made me realize that I can't wait. I can't keep putting it off. I have to do something NOW, for my sake, my family, and especially my little brother and sister. That said, let's move on to........

ACTIVE LIFE: Outdoor Challenge!!!!!

Oh. My. Goodness.!!!! I'm STILL out of breath from playing this game. I think I had fun, but I was so tired and worn out from playing, that I collapsed into a sweaty heap on the floor, begging for someone to bring me water and an oxygen mask STAT!!

Seriously though, it's a lot of fun, and you get so involved in the games that you want to keep playing. You want to beat your high score, you want to beat your time. I think it's a great way for those who are (like me) just looking for a way to get motivated to get up off the couch and do SOMETHING. I will say that those who are in better shape than me may not "feel the burn" as much as I did, but, it's still a great way to sneak some extra movement into your day. For those who are *ahem* horizontally challenged, and want to add something fun to their routine, I definitely recommend it. It does include a lot of games that involve running and jumping (albeit, mostly in pretty short bursts), so be warned.... your legs will suffer... I mean.... THANK you. :)

My next personal challenge, as far as exercise goes, is to walk around my neighborhood. Walking around my entire complex is probably about a mile or so, and I would like to be able to do two circuits. We'll see how that goes. I keep saying I'm going to "get up early" and do it in the morning before work. Yeeeeeaaah.... see the problem with that is... I like sleep. I mean really like sleep. Getting up early for me means, being able to make it out of the door for work before 7:15am. In order to be able to walk before work, I would have to wake up at 5am!!! Do you know how early that is??!!?! Seriously, at 5am, I'm still snoring.... hard. So, the thought of that is NOT appealing.... at all. However, it wouldn't be a challenge if there wasn't some degree of difficulty, right? If it wasn't something that was hard or uncomfortable for me to do, then it would just be a routine, and not a challenge. So, I will challenge myself to do this. I hope to be able to say on my next entry that I was able to do it.

Random Holiday Musings

So, my birthday was last week, and I turned 31. 31!!!!?!?!?! I can remember thinking as a child that 30-anything was ridiculously old. Now, here I am, 31 years old, and it doesn't feel old at all. I feel like I have my whole life ahead of me. All the more reason, I guess, to work on becoming a healthier me. One thing I can say about getting older, is that creating healthy habits becomes harder. It's soooo much easier to just sit on the couch and watch TV than to get up and do something. Chocolate cake tastes so much better than an apple. I think it's silly to tell people to eat an apple instead of cookies to satisfy a sweet craving. Um... hello?!? Apples and chocolate are NOT the same thing. And of course, in this season of holiday parties, yummy carb-loaded food, and holiday programs that talk about yummy carb-loaded food, who really wants to go and eat an apple?! Not me...


Anyway, one of the things that I have wanted to try to help me on the road to becoming healthier is the Wii Fit. But, I guess everyone else had the same idea, because I have yet to find one available for sale that's not $3,568, 984.23. Seriously, I'm not really sure that it's worth paying more than twice the actual retail value, just to get one. So, I settled on an alternative this weekend. I bought the Active Life: Outdoor Challenge game over the weekend. I haven't actually tried it yet, but it has gotten some really good reviews, and has been touted as an alternative to the extremely hard to find Wii Fit. I think I will crack it open and give it a try tomorrow. I will certainly share my thoughts and findings when I do.

Turning Point

My weekend was going along swimmingly... it included a spontaneous trip to my most favorite place in the world, Walt Disney World, and spending time with my honey. I saw beautiful Christmas displays, watched amazing fireworks, saw exciting parades, and just generally had a great time. Then IT happened... It was time to come home, and I was utilizing an airport wheelchair due to not being able to walk quickly through the aiport without being in a lot of pain (I'll cover the various reasons why in a later post). So, there I am, in a wheelchair, waiting to pre-board with other people needing assistance, and I notice some airport personnel start to snicker and look in my direction. It turns out that two employees were "arguing" over who was going to get the "privelege" of pushing me down the jetway to the plane.

I wish I could describe what it feels like to have people mock you, practically to your face, and become the joke of the day due to the fact that you happen to be overweight. It is one of the worst feelings in the world, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

At this point, I understand that they are talking about me, and all but drawing straws to determine which one of them has the unfortunate luck to have me to push down the jetway. So, determined to maintain at least a shred of dignity, I grabbed my cane, had my honey take the rest of my things, and made my way down the jetway by myself. I was so upset that I was shaking, but I was NOT going to let myself fall apart there in the middle of the airport. I actually made it all the way to my seat before I broke down and cried my eyes out. I spent the next hour of the flight crying, hurt to the core by people I didn't even know. Thankfully, I had a sweatshirt with a hood that I was able to pull over my face so that I didn't become the inflight entertainment for the other passengers who may have stopped to gawk at me.

So, this incident has become my turning point. I don't wish to experience anything like that ever again. I am determined to do what I can to make a difference and to become healthier. Unfortunately, there are some things about my physical being that I cannot change, due to illness (again, I will address that in a later post). But, I promise myself, right now, that I will do everything I can, and change the things I can, to become a better person, a healthier person. Eventually I will share pictures, so that others can see, and perhaps be inspired by, the transformation I will be making. In the meantime, I intend to write and share my ups and downs, highs and lows, victories and defeats in the hope that it will make me a better, stronger, healthier me.